life

Social Media – the good, the bad & the ugly!

| skwarepegrowndhole

Last week the UK Government announced a social media ban for under 16s that will come into effect next spring. I don’t think anyone would argue that things should carry on as they have been – social media is both a blessing and a curse for all who use it, and the impact it can have on under 16s is scary. This can range from online bullying, harassment, the introduction to all kinds of inappropriate messages (both actual messages, and the subliminal messages from adverts), misogyny, sexism, racism, grooming, and the feeling that they (& also us as adults) are not good enough. I completely agree that something has to change. However, I have several concerns about the ban, and I will discuss these here – but as in my lessons, this is an open discussion so if you feel differently, please comment on the post, email me or post on social media (oh, the irony), and we can have an honest and open conversation. These are just my opinions right now, and I am happy to listen to different opinions and points of view.

  1. What happens when a young person becomes 16? Do they suddenly have access to all of this forbidden land of posts, algorithms and adverts? And why is someone who is 16 and a day suddenly able to manage all the cr4p that’s out there more than someone who is 15 and 360 days? Will there be sessions on how to deal with everything in PSHE and pastoral lessons, because if there aren’t, then I really don’t see how turning 16 suddenly makes someone social media ready.
  2. As this is the Skware Peg blog, I am concerned about the impact that this may have on SEN young people – but there is a bit of a dichotomy here in that the group that is possibly most likely to be bullied online and on social media and who face more difficult challenges may also be the group that will miss out when the ban comes into effect. There is some evidence (& I will find the studies if needed) that young autistic people & those with other SEN are (possibly) more likely to be radicalised via social media, maybe because they have had less face to face interaction, maybe because they are more vulnerable, or maybe because they already feel marginalised. This is dangerous, and puts them, and potentially others, at risk. For the reasons already listed, they also may be more likely to be groomed, or be bullied or harassed online, and their mental health may be impacted by negative experiences. However, for many young people with diagnosed, or undiagnosed, SEN conditions, social media can give them a lifeline to other young people who face similar day to day challenges, or for whom face to face interactions are too much. They will miss out on teenage socialisation and conversations, and it’s not as simple as going out to meet people instead. The alternative may be loneliness. That doesn’t mean we should stop the ban, just be aware of the impact that it may have, and be aware that alternatives are needed.
  3. Teens are tech savvy. According to a poll by the Molly Rose Foundation in April 2026, 61% of Australian teens aged 12-15 still have access to social media (link here), and they also suggested the UK shouldn’t rush to follow. Teens will find a way to access things that are banned, so although this new legislation will protect some young people, there may end up being less protection for the teens who find the loopholes and still access their existing or new accounts. Putting the onus on tech companies is ok, but they have the budget to pay fines, and while prosecutions are ongoing, young people will still find ways to access.
  4. Discussions about this with my 21 year old highlighted that for many children & young adults, social media is a way of keeping up with what is going on in the world, both local, national and international. He has always been interested in politics, so he follows journalists, news organisations and politicians (both who he likes and dislikes) to try and get a balanced view of what’s going on, and to educate himself. He finds news outlets too boring and one sided, so uses social media to get all the sides of a story – and has been since before he was 16.
  5. My eldest son used social media to stay in touch with people who had left his school and moved away. As someone who moved around a little as a child, I would have loved social media as a teen, and would have used it to keep in touch with friends whom I had left behind. As an adult, I found many of them again, but there are too many lost years in between.
  6. Endless scrolling on social media is bad for adults too – we need to find a way to make it healthier for all of us. As a women in her 50s who has a strong interest in politics and education, my algorithms are very different to my husband, also a SEND parent, also with an interest in politics and education. Mine include lots of info about skincare, dieting, botox, weight loss jabs and more. His doesn’t have any of these. We need to fix the algorithms as much as we need to ban social media, and we also need to stop infinite scrolling and go back to the ‘next page’ as it used to be, so that then you’re aware of how much time has been spent stalking friends and watching pimple popper videos….

For me, the proposed social media ban is a sticking plaster on a rather large, ugly wound. It won’t stop tech savvy teens, and as soon as something is banned, it makes it even more attractive. There wasn’t social media when I was a teen, but there were fake IDs, getting people to buy you alcohol or cigarettes, and the fact that we were underage didn’t stop us going out, drinking and/or smoking.

I feel a better solution would be an overhaul of the social media accounts, and making them safer, less addictive and better for all of us, whatever our age. Most of us have an unhealthy relationship with Facebook et al, and banning it for our children doesn’t mean that we will stop posting when we are with them. Writing this short blog has made me reflect about my own social media use. I post pictures and updates to share with people I may not see every day, but I’ve realised that I also post for likes. I use it to follow people I admire, but also to see what people I don’t like quite as much are up to. I use the excuse that I can’t delete the app because I don’t know my password – but that’s just been a lazy excuse. In the evenings I check for updates every half hour or so, even when we’re watching TV. If I use the calculator on my phone, or if I get a message, once I’ve opened my phone, I then check my socials and emails while I’m there, just in case something important has been posted in the last 20 minutes.

Hmm….I am now going to update my passwords, and delete the apps from my phone, so I have to log on via the internet to access them. Maybe, on reflection, the ban isn’t such a bad thing, but maybe it shouldn’t just be for under 16s. I’ll blog again in a couple of weeks to let you know how it’s going (and yes, the irony that I will be sharing this on social media hasn’t escaped me!).

Sometimes it all feels too much

| skwarepegrowndhole

Today was supposed to be a study day – my research for my doctorate is done, so I just (!!) need to spend the next 18 months writing it all up. I had the whole day planned. Quick coffee with my Mum, then home to study. I managed the coffee part ok, but then I came home and doom scrolled about all the horrible things that are going on in the world at the moment. Reading and then writing about education policy seems so trivial when I look at all the things wrong with the world, from all the news coming out of the US to climate change to so many people struggling. Why am I spending time writing about education when I could be researching other things or helping other people?

With classical music blaring through my headphones, I thought about the amazing young people who took part in my research and told me their stories, and I realised that this does matter. It is so important that their stories are told, and that people involved in education and (hopefully) education policy makers read my research when it’s finally done, and that it makes a difference.

My research isn’t about changing the world, it’s about making ripples. If my research touches one person and makes them think and change how they teach – or how they think about teaching – then they make another person’s day a bit better, and so it goes on. The ripples from my research will spread far and wide.

That’s something that I will hold on to as I inevitably doom scroll again later today. In our day to day lives, we cannot change the world, and it’s so tempting, when it all feels too much, to want to hide away, to wonder ‘what’s the point?’. We can make ripples of hope and of community. When I walked the dogs earlier, I passed an older man who was walking slowly trying not to slip in the snow and slush, so I paused, smiled, and said good morning. He looked up, and smiled back, so I smiled at the next person (while trying to keep my dogs under control and stop them jumping up), and they smiled back. My parents walk their dog on a similar route each day, and often stop to chat to the people they pass.

Smiling or saying good morning might not change the day of the person you speak to, but it’s not going to harm them. Holding open a door, letting someone go in front of you, saying thank you to waiting staff – small, seemingly insignificant gestures that just might lift someone.

When it all feels a bit too much, reach out, be kind and show everyone that there is still good in the world.

The HD Sunflower

| skwarepegrowndhole

I can remember when I first heard about the hidden disabilities Sunflower (if you don’t know about it, find out more here) – we were on holiday in Cornwall, and I read that you could get the lanyards from Morrisons and Sainsburys, so off we went to Newquay to claim our free lanyard. And then it sat in the glove box in my car for months, possibly longer. I changed cars, so the lanyard came into the house, and I told both of our children where it was in case they every needed it.

To be honest I was a little sceptical, and worried on several points. First of all, by wearing a sunflowers, was it almost marking people? Would it lead to them being bullied? Does everyone know about the sunflower and what it means? And would it make any real difference?

On the first point, I was wrong. There is no law saying wearing a sunflower is compulsory, you can take it off until you need it, and the main point of the scheme is that it is for hidden disabilities, so how can people help you if they don’t know you need help? And as you don’t have to wear it, you are unlikely to get bullied. With all the news coming from the US about ‘curing’ autism, though, I am still a little bit worried about what the future may hold, but that doesn’t impact the sunflower scheme.

Secondly, I don’t think everyone does know what the sunflower stands for, but awareness is increasing. And finally, would it make any real difference? YES!

Our eldest son used our one and only lanyard when we went on holiday 18 months ago, and said it made the airport so much easier to navigate, so he kept it and has used it a few times since.

The lightbulb moment for me came 2 weeks ago when we went to Twickenham to watch the Women’s Rugby World Cup final matches. We arrived at Twickenham train station, and it was so much busier than I had expected (there will be another blog to follow about how fantastic the day was and how amazing and emotional it felt to see women’s sport celebrated by so many), and we moved with the crowd down roads that were closed to traffic, and enjoyed the happy atmosphere. As we got closer to the stadium, there was a bit of a bottle neck, with people having to move to the pavements as the road was barriered off. As the crowd got bigger, we all felt uneasy. We noticed that the police and security were letting people in wheelchairs or crutches through, and then we saw someone with a sunflower lanyard going through. My daughter in law had brought the lanyard, but neither of my sons would wear it. As there are 4 out of our party of 5 with hidden disabilities, it seemed ridiculous that they wouldn’t wear it, so I took it, wore it and we all got through the barrier and avoided the slow moving crowd. It was the same going back to the station after the match. We avoided some of the crowds by wearing the lanyard.

In our family of 5 who went to Twickenham, between us there are 3 autistic people, 3 with ADHD, 4 with anxiety, one with OCD and none of these are visible to people watching us. The crowd, going through security, waiting for the train and more are all potential triggers. We all got to enjoy an amazing day out with minimal stress and an avoidance of stress points.

Last week I ordered more lanyards, wrist bands, bracelets and pin badges. If you look on the website, they have a list of hidden or non-visible disabilities (link here), and the list is growing as they want to be as inclusive as possible. I went to London for a meeting on Thursday, and I wore the bracelet. As it happens, there were no triggers, it was a stress free visit, and I didn’t ‘need’ it, but it was a comfort to know it was there, and it actually made a good fidget toy in the meeting.

If you choose to wear the sunflower, you don’t have to wear it all the time, but you can if you want to. You can choose to wear whatever feels most comfortable to you – the ribbon bracelet is the one for me – but you don’t have to wear them if you don’t want to, and I think that’s the joy of the scheme. It’s optional, you can use it as much or a little as you want, but it really can make a difference.

When the nest isn’t empty…..

| skwarepegrowndhole

At this time of year, social media seems to be full of teens going off to university and parents & carers dropping off and then going back to an empty house. As I drove to work this morning, I was moved by a dad’s words about his daughter going to a university 3 hours away next weekend. It’s a very emotional time for them, and for us.

However, it can also be very emotional when your teen’s friends are all going off to university and they aren’t, for whatever reason. It can be very emotional when your friends are all talking about how they are going to fill their evenings now their teens are at uni, and yours is in their bedroom not knowing what they are going to do next. We’ve been there, and it’s tough. We’ve watched friends miss their children as they leave for uni, and then move on to a new era of their lives, while ours seems to carry on as before, but now we have a lost teen who isn’t sure what’s next. If any of you are in this position, you will find a way, and so will they.

Our eldest didn’t go to uni at 18, and took 2 years out. He tried at 20, but it wasn’t for him, and then he went to uni in lockdown and thrived, and now he’s a teacher. I didn’t go to uni til I was 26, and that was the best thing for me at the right time. Had I gone at 18, I wouldn’t have done a course I loved, and I wouldn’t be where I am now.

University isn’t for everyone, either. There are apprenticeships, jobs, training, travel – and there is time to pause and make the right decision.

Not all who go to university live in. Our youngest went to a local uni, and was planning to live in halls and come home regularly, but it quickly became apparent that living away from home wasn’t for him. He commutes from home, he’s saved money and he’s happy – and that’s what matters.

We all develop and grow at different rates. We all have our own path to walk, and we need to let our teens do what’s right for them. It can be hard if we have an empty teen’s room and a quiet house, but it can also be hard if their friends have all moved away and they’re still there. We can feel sad when we have an empty nest, but it can be sad if we feel our young person has been left behind – but they will find their way, and they will be ok, we just need to give them time and listen and sit with them when they want us to.

Burn Out

| skwarepegrowndhole

21st century life in the Western World seems to be focused on productivity and results. Via our phones we have access to the internet, social media and emails (work and personal) 24 hours a day. Even though it’s not expected of me at all, I know I check work emails in the evening and at weekends. I also struggle to do nothing, and feel that I have wasted a day if I haven’t ‘done’ anything. I’ve put done in quotation marks as a day resting is still doing something, but my 21st century ADHD brain does not see that as doing something meaningful.

It’s been a busy term at work, and it’s been a busy term at home. The summer term always feels very long, and alongside this there are exam & coursework deadlines, tired learners, tired staff, and we have had the knowledge that Ofsted could visit at any time. I was torn between wanting it this term to get it out of the way, even though we were all tired, as it would be before the new inspection standards arrive in September, and hoping it would be at the end of September when everything was new and fresh.

At home, I have been busy studying. My self-imposed deadline to get all of my doctoral research done and in was the end of the term – and I did it. Huge thanks to any colleagues who are reading this who took part in a focus group discussion during a particularly tiring week, and the lovely young people who agreed to tell me their stories. I am so pleased it’s all in – just analysing and writing for the next 18 months now – and that I hit my deadline.

However, all of this meant that when we finally broke up on Tuesday, I was done. I was burnt out. I was so tired and emotional, and I felt ill. I even did a Covid test as I felt as washed out as I had when I had it. Wednesday I listened to my body – still did an Ikea and Costco trip with my grown up children, and had a uni meeting in the evening, but in between I rested. I resisted the urge to pick up a book and read, and to do some crafting. Instead I flopped on the sofa and watched old episodes of ER. Thursday things got a bit messy again, but I ignored my body and didn’t rest, so Friday was a day of relaxed coffees and reading, and then family time in the evening.

It has taken me over 50 years to learn when I was in burn out. Before I used to get cross with myself for not being able to be my best all the time, for getting over emotional or for wasting a day resting. I hope I have taught my children to do it better, to listen to their bodies, to rest when they need to. We don’t have to do everything every day. A day of rest is a day of doing. Turning off our emails and social media is fine – we can catch up later on or tomorrow. We won’t be able to be our best if we are running on empty, or we are out of spoons.

I have learnt self acceptance this week. I am not invincible, I will, and do, burn out when it gets too much. I am learning to rest when I need to. I hope you will too.