It’s here again – the start of GCSE/A-level/Vocational exams. I hate this time of year. It is unnecessary stress on our young people, and even though we know that whatever August may bring things will end up ok, it’s doesn’t feel like that when you’re the person sitting the exams.

I didn’t do that well in my GCSEs & A-levels, and I went on to do a degree as a mature student, then I did my PGCE, then a Masters and now I’m studying for a doctorate, but in August 1990 when my predicted As at A-level were Ds and an E, I couldn’t see past the grades. My husband only got 1 A-level, went to college through clearing and he’s a successful Programme Manager. Our eldest did badly in GCSEs and AS levels, and he graduated last summer, is starting his PGCE in September and is looking at Masters degrees after that – but go back to 10 years ago and he saw himself as a failure.

So what do we do between now and August? How can we support our teens over the next few months? That depends on your situation and your teen, but I’ll outline what we’re going to do.

First of all, even though I have no doubt that our teen is capable of, and is on track to get the high grades he needs to get to his university of choice, we have formulated a back up plan, just in case. We’ve had this in place since he started his A-levels. If the he doesn’t get the grades, he’s retaking in November, working for a year and reapplying for September 2024. I don’t think he’ll need this, but he knows that if things don’t go his way, it’s not the end of the world.

Secondly, we’ve let him lead what he needs to do. He is very different to our eldest who couldn’t & wouldn’t revise for a variety of reasons. We are lucky that our youngest is focused, on it, and knows what he needs to do to get the grades he wants. We steer, we enquire, we make sure that the study area is clear and ready for him, and then we stand back and let him do what he needs to do.

We have conversations, and we let him rant over the smallest things. I know what he feels are his strengths and weaknesses, and I know what he thinks he still needs to do with 2.5 weeks to go. We talk – we’ve always talked. We are a strong unit, and we all support each other. This weekend, I’m at uni from Friday to Sunday. I’m at home every evening, but I will leave early and come home late and they will all support me, so it’s not just us supporting our teen, we all support each other.

Nutrition is also important – which isn’t always that easy when you have an autistic teen with sensory issues! Every morning he is having beige carbs supplemented with bio yoghurt and fruit coulis. Lunch is at school, and then our evening meal is, generally, home cooked food and we always have the right variety of apple in the house. Oh, and I have promised to have a supply of ice-creams and cakes or brownies in until the exams are over.

He knows that whatever August may bring, our love and support for him is unconditional. He knows that we trust him, and we believe in him, but we also know that exams can bring curve balls, so we’re here to support him. We have been honest about where things went wrong for us, and how we’ve done OK.

And that’s it – that’s how we’re coping with exam season, and so far, so good. But what works for us won’t necessarily work for you. The things that we have put in place may make things worse in your house. I do think it’s important that you have support too – you need your tribe or your person. And I think that you need to remember that whatever August may bring, it will be ok. We need to remember that so we don’t put extra pressure on our teens. Whatever happens, the sun still rises and the world still turns.