I inadvertently upset someone on social media.  They had posted about achieving their Masters in Special Educational Needs, Disabilities and Inclusion, so I took that as an opportunity to start a conversation about SEND, ableism and the various things that run through my mind constantly.  Trouble is, that was taken the wrong way, and people thought I was pushing my own agenda.  I suppose I was, but not in the way people think.

We are a neurodiverse household. In our home, we have two dyslexics, one of whom has ADHD and one who is Autistic. I have ADHD tendencies (probably full ADHD but no formal diagnosis), which partially explains me hijacking a post about SEND, and my other half is ND too. When I started teaching, when our youngest was 4, I thought I understood SEND, I thought with my ongoing CPD and my ‘switched on, inclusive’ way of thinking, I thought I got it.  I thought I could put the appropriate coping mechanisms in place and it would all be ok.  Hey, I even let students fidget and chat through my lessons, how cool was I?

And then came our son’s dyslexia diagnosis (which went again what teacher’s had told us), and ‘problems’ in the classroom. He underachieved, despite ‘things being in place’. He struggled, he misbehaved and I started to advocate, to speak out and to challenge anything that wasn’t right for him. Son number two obviously had dyslexia, but, again, teachers didn’t agree, so we had to have him diagnosed privately (through Dyslexia Action, so all done ‘properly’) and things were a little easier for him than they had been for our eldest, but still not easy, and he was expected to learn coping mechanisms.

After their dyslexia diagnoses, came the battle to get the full picture, so find out what else was there. It took 6 years for people to finally accept that it was more than dyslexia for our eldest, by which time he was through formal education and thought of himself as a failure.  He had some amazing teachers, and fabulous support, but the education wasn’t right for him; he couldn’t adapt to what was expected, and so his mental health was, and continues to be, impacted by this.

Our youngest is autistic. We have always known this, but because we are an ND household, it didn’t show as much as it might have done – things were automatically put in place so that he didn’t have to cope or manage at home, but as he got older and more opportunities arose, it became obvious that we would have to try and get a diagnosis that people could use as a lens to see him better. It took almost 4 years and numerous trips to the GP, to CAMHS and to Children’s Services at the local hospital before he got what he wanted – a diagnosis to explain to others who he was, and to get people to change to adapt to his needs, rather than expecting him to change to conform to others’ NT expectations.

I have been advocating for 20 years now, from when they started formal education. I will always advocate, and listen, and drop everything to make sure I am there for them when others won’t be. I will stand by them as they state what they need, and I will encourage them to advocate for others too.  I now realise I knew nothing when I started teaching.  I knew nothing of battles in students’ heads, of parents crying themselves to sleep, of the struggles and constant worry, of the guilt and grief, of the daily need to make sure everything was as right as possible so that our children can exist in an alien world.  I was also ableist (blog to follow on this), and I was wrong.

Because I have been living the life of a SEND mum for almost 25 years, and because I have been enlightened and fighting and advocating for 20, I take every opportunity I can to have conversations, to engage professionals, to see what they have learned, to see what I can learn, to share ideas and to do everything I can to make the world a more equal, accepting and diverse place.  If this is pushing my agenda, then yes, I am guilty, but I can’t stop doing this. I am a SEND mum, I am ND and I need to keep advocating, keep pushing and keep doing everything I can to make this a better place for all.