So, we are 19 weeks into lockdown (we had to isolate a week early due to a persistent cough) and although society is starting to ease out of it, we are still pretty isolated with minimal trips into the land of people! We haven’t just coped, we have thrived.  There have been some dark days for all of us, online schooling was stressful, the drop in income for 3 months was terrifying, but our little family unit has come through it stronger than ever, and I think I know why.

For the last 24 years (how is it that long???) our lives have been governed by one, and then two demanding individuals. They both have additional needs (or protected characteristics, hidden disabilities, SEND, however you want to classify things), and so, as parents, we had to adapt very quickly. Sleep deprivation was the norm from the last 3 months of my pregnancy with the older one, until he was about 7, and then I had a very nauseous pregnancy with the younger one, and the sleep deprivation continued, and still continues today, so for the last 24 years, we’ve had about 6 months of decent sleep.

Because of the sleep issues, separation anxiety, general anxiety, ADHD anger and ASD meltdowns, nights away for me were impossible, so we have only had 2 nights away child free since May 1996! Nights out were often brought to an abrupt end or cancelled as new babysitters were rejected.

My husband has always stayed away for work, so the boys were used to him being away and he has been able to escape on nights out with his friends a little more often, but still not as often as his peers.   I have had to turn down so many nights out that people stopped asking, and then I read social media posts about other people having fun, having holidays and living a vibrant, busy life, and I really felt I was being left behind.  It was so hard at the time to see my peers off having fun while I was holding a sick bowl or dealing with a meltdown, or just sitting with my glass of wine.

Thanks to Covid, however, I can look back and see it differently.  In our house there are two grown up adults (me and my husband), a 23 year old with ADHD and a history of mental health issues such as depression and OCD and a 15 year old with ASD & clinical anxiety. We have been together 24/7 (more or less) since the middle of March. 

However, we really have had a great time in lockdown. We’ve built a wildlife pond, made a bridge out of a ladder and planks to get to our wildlife pond. We’ve enjoyed our animals more, found zen-ness with equine therapy, laughed as we’ve chased hens round a field and cursed as we’ve scrambled through brambles catching escaping cockerels.  We’ve grown veg, read books, binge-watched new series and rediscovered old ones. We’ve established a family movie night, created amazing meals and tried new food. We supported new ventures, learned sign language (although that’s ongoing) and we’ve supported each other through the darker days.

What I used to see as being left behind wasn’t at all. I was building. When other people were out partying and having fun, we were building foundations for our quirky, amazing children, and for ourselves. We were building a life we don’t need to escape from so that when holidays are cancelled, we shrug our shoulders and carry on living at home. When we can’t go out for meals, we create interesting meals at home. When cafes are closed, we make our own cafe outside, next to the outdoor gym which was made when the public gyms closed. When we can’t go to the cinema, we watch films together, sitting on the sofa, laughing or crying together.

I have not missed out on anything over the last 24 years. I have been building my castle, and now I can stand at the top, look around me and love everything I see.