This isn’t just aimed at Skware Pegs, but at any teens and the people who make it possible for these teens, boys and girls, to play weekend sports, and then they stand on the sidelines supporting, cheering the wins and sympathising with the lows.

Both of our children play sports, and in the winter our washing machine deals with never ending muddy kit, and the house stinks of wet, smelly boots. In the summer we have buckets full of cricket whites trying to change from green back to cream (who on earth decided school cricket should be played in a pale colour!!!). We both juggle work and weekend commitments so that someone is there to watch every match, to chauffeur all over the country, and to cheer on from the sidelines. And that’s where my problem lies.

We, as parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, family friends, invest so much in our children’s team.  We share every goal, run, try or basket, we celebrate every success and we console all the losses – and it can be a very long drive home when the final score didn’t go our way.  We need to support our children, to cheer them on, to offer advice if it’s needed, but………….I think there needs to be a universal rule that states that only positive things can be shouted from the sidelines, and that you should never, ever shout anything negative to a child, especially one that isn’t yours.  You have no idea why Johnny or Sophie may be off colour today.  You don’t know about the bully at school, about the crying baby at home, about the rows that keep them awake at night, about the illness of a close family member, of the internal battle that child may be having.  Hey, they’re teenagers and are full of hormones, they could just be having a shit day.

Let me give you an example. As regular readers will know, our youngest son was (finally) diagnosed with autism in September. He has been playing at a sports club since he was 7, and although I know many of the parents are aware of his anxieties, I am not sure how many know about his diagnosis (but they should be aware of his social awkwardness). That aside, before we left this morning, he was really stressed.  Year 9 pressures, a losing match yesterday and just being end-of-term-exhausted meant that he really didn’t want to go this morning.  Knowing it was a cup match and the team were short of players, he decided to go, but then ended up playing in a position that he doesn’t usually play in.  He had a good game, didn’t do anything wrong, but in the first half, another parent called him out on mistakes more than once.  The first time I was rattled, but I let it go. The second time I was looking to see who it was, and had there been a third time that I heard, I would have gone and spoken to that person. I was livid. How dare they criticise my child’s play. 1. They aren’t a coach 2. He’s not their child 3. They have no idea how much it took for him to put on his kit and turn up today  4. At the end of the match, all the coaches made a point to go and tell him how well he played, even more so playing in a position he’s not used to.

After the match, my son told me he heard the comments, and he felt annoyed and distracted, so rather than improve his play (which wasn’t necessary), the comments could have made his game worse.

There were also negative comments aimed at the referee (from a different group of parents) and she was unsettled at half time.

People, if your child plays a sport, even if they play at a high level, remember that they are children. They give up an evening in the week and they give up a morning at the weekend to go and run round a pitch. I know you do too, but they are children, their heads are full of learning and sport takes away some of their wonder time. If we make it a chore, if we moan at them, if we criticise them then we take away some of their enjoyment.  It is their time in the limelight, let them enjoy it.  If they’re having a bad day, let them. Unless you are perfect and infallible all the time, let them have their highs and lows without making their lows lower. And finally, this is for fun, it is only a game, and most of them won’t end up being professional footballers, netballers, hockey players, rugby players or cricketers.  They will remember your smiles and support, but they will also remember your words, so make them nice ones. And please, only say supportive positive things to all children, but especially the ones who aren’t with you.