First of all, I need to tell you that I have two amazing boys that fill my life with an immeasurable amount of happiness and joy. They are the most gifted and talented people I have ever met (and no, I don’t think I’m biased at all!!). But they both have learning barriers, have both been to CAMHS (and we will be back there again, more details later) and parenting children with SENDs can be so hard sometimes.

I also know that we have it easy compared to many families out there. My husband and I are a team when it comes to parenting. I am more hands on as I only work part time, but we are a united front and we support each other through the good & the bad. The boys’ problems are tiny compared to the problems that some children face, & I know and am grateful for that too. But it is wearing, and sometimes the never ending battles, problems and issues that are part of every day get a bit too much.

Today is one of those days.

Nothing in particular has happened. We’ve had much ‘worse’ days that haven’t seemed as hard. But today a combination of sleep deprivation, slightly disappointing assignment marks and a wobbly tooth has sent me close to the edge. And that’s the point of this post, really, apart for me to have a rant and get things off my chest, to tell other parents, whether they are SEND parents or not, that sometimes that bad days come out of nowhere and are bad for no specific reason.

My sleep deprivation is the main problem today. I am just so tired. Our youngest started year 7 in September and his anxieties and bed time mini-meltdowns started in August before we had been discharged from CAMHS. We are now over half way through January and I have spent 10 out of the last 12 days sleeping on his floor as the anxiety of going back to school after the Christmas break grew and didn’t go back down.  After speaking to the school SENCo, we went back to the GP and are being referred back to CAMHS for re-evaluation of ASD, and hopefully help for anxieties.  That’s fantastic, but I would rather have a magic wand, a crystal ball and a book of solutions!

The final straw was a wobbly tooth. Not a big deal for most 12 year olds, but a fear of blood means that wobbly teeth are a HUGE source of anxiety. When you get a very worried ‘Mum!’ shouted at you before 7.30 am, you know it’s not going to be good. I don’t think the tooth will be out for a few days at least, which means the anxiety is here for a few days too.

He thought I was a bad parent this morning as I sent him to school with said wobbly tooth. I don’t think he was too impressed when I wouldn’t pick him up at lunchtime unless the school nurse phoned and asked me to, plus I wouldn’t ask his form teacher to send him home this afternoon. But he’s home now, the school day is done and the tooth is still wobbling. It’s Friday evening so the anxiety has dropped a little, but it’s going to be a balancing act between recognising this anxiety and not letting it grow, and still having a normal weekend, doing normal activities and getting all the homework done for Monday.  I think I know where I’m going to be sleeping tonight too.

BUT, time to stop moping and focus on the positives.  It’s Friday. School and work are done for the week, and there are two days to relax and ignore wobbly teeth and stressful school and college stuff. No rain is forecast which means we can get out and about, we can watch & play rugby and we can turn off the alarms. And we will laugh and smile and be happy!