I read an interesting feed on Facebook the other day. To begin with, I thought it was a parody account, but I now think it was real. The initial statement was relating to whether spanking or medication was the best option for dealing with ADHD. There then followed several comments advocating either or both, and then the inevitable ‘ADHD isn’t a real problem, it’s just an excuse for poor parenting’. I ended up commenting that our son has ADHD, and we didn’t spank or medicate, and he’s now 20 & at uni and is doing rather well.  My comments had a few likes, but I didn’t go back to see what else had been posted.

The fact that this appeared on my feed through either a health or SEN page that I follow was fine, I have lots of things like this appear. What concerned me was the ideology of that initial post, and the comments that followed.

The following are my considered points on the matter:

1. I think ADHD possibly is over diagnosed, but I don’t think this is due to poor parenting. We live in a fearful, digitalised age where children spend hours on devices and don’t get outside and move around. The media would have us believe that there is a paedophile on every corner, and our children are not safe. Much better, then, for them to disappear into a digital world where we have no idea who they are talking to???? I also think that the pressure on parents to work, bring in money and buy goods for their family means there is more time spent outside the home, and so more ready meals and convenience food is bought because it is convenient, not because the parent it lazy. In addition schools have so much pressure on them to make sure that the children can tick all the boxes at the end of each key stage, that the children that want to run around and use their hands rather than sit still and use a pen do become disruptive, and then they cause problems in class. This is not the school’s fault, but it isn’t the child’t fault either.  There is no blood test for ADHD, so it’s not black and white. The increase in ADHD diagnosis is, in my opinion, a reflection of the state of society rather than parenting or education.
2. ADHD is real. I live with a young adult with ADHD, and I am sure I have some traits myself. It isn’t made up, it isn’t bad parents and it isn’t a naughty child.
3. ADHD cannot be beaten out of a child. It is part of the child’s make up. All beating would do is repress all the feelings and anxieties and anger until they come spilling out when the child is older.
4. ADHD isn’t all bad. My son is now at uni on a course that allows him to embrace all his energy, his multi-sensory abilities and his sense of social justice. He will make an amazing teacher/coach because he sees everything (see point 5)
5. I don’t think ADHD is attention deficit, I think it is attention overload. ADHD/ADD people see and feel everything so they find it difficult to focus on one thing. They weren’t ignoring you, they had just seen a butterfly on the flower behind you so for a second they were looking at that, and now the baby in the pram has taken their hat off, and and bird has just flown over head, and the sky is a really pretty shade of blue, and where do you think that plane might be going to…….
6. There is a place for medication. We never used it, partly because our son was a teenager when he was diagnosed and he didn’t want to, and also because our parenting strategies were, on the whole, working.
7. Parenting a child with ADHD can be so tiring. I was once in a MAT team meeting for a child with ADHD and other problems, and a social worker said it was ‘just’ ADHD. I had to interject and say it’s not ‘just’. I am a teacher and a therapist, both my husband and I are on the ball when it comes to dealing with additional needs, and we struggle at times. A parent with no support and no training on how to deal with it may feel completely overwhelmed. ADHD isn’t a just.
8. On the flip side ADHD has many, many advantages, especially once formal education is done. ADHD makes you successful if you can find the thing that makes you happy. Work with it, not against it. Succeed with it not despite it.
9. Finally, there is light at the end of the tunnel. We have an amazing, articulate, social chameleon who can talk to anyone, and can charm his way into or out of most situations. It was tough at times, and there are still moments when he wobbles, but his ADHD has helped him turn into an  incredible, passionate adult who is ready to charm the world into being a much better place.