Has it really been 9 months since my last post???? Wow, time flies when you’re busy juggling work, family, animals, and everything else in between!!

So, last time I blogged, we were with CAMHS waiting to see what was going to happen next.  Lots, and nothing, is the succinct answer.

I went on a Timid to Tiger course which is aimed at parents of anxious children.  It was a 10 week course, at CAMHS on a Monday morning, and there was a wide range of parenting/children issues, which is, obviously, confidential.  I wouldn’t want them writing about me, so I am not going to write about any of them. I also had to argue the case for an ASD assessment as his report from school was borderline (but it’s a lovely, small school with 20 in a class). They listened to me, and the assessment in is July.

Back to Timid to Tiger and what I learnt and what I felt was useful. First of all, I learnt that we are not alone in this mad childhood mental health jungle.  I also learnt that we are not the only ones who feel we are blindly feeling are way, and making it all up as we go along.  I also learnt, thank goodness, that we aren’t doing that badly in the grand scheme of things. However, the main realisation was that unless you live the life we live, you can give us all the theories and plans in the world, but every child is different, and there is no guarantee that by doing A, B and then C that X, Y and then Z automatically follow.

There was an abundance of very good, very useful advice in the sessions. We need to praise more, to comment on activities rather than asking why (even when asking ‘Why are you doing that?’ in a positive way, you can make the child think ‘Should I be doing this?). We need to be firm and direct in instructions, and not to enter arguments with the children (so much easier in practice than in reality).  We need to praise and acknowledge the little things, and we need to set boundaries and rules and have the courage to reinforce them. We tweaked our parenting, and all of these helped.  It’s not that we didn’t do them, it’s just that we didn’t do them all the time.  It’s so easy after a long day at work to let them zone out on their screens while we zone out on ours, but it’s also easy to have a conversation, to talk about our days and to share our experiences.

Bad bedtimes have been a problem in our house for the last 19 years. Neither of my children were good at going to bed, and with our youngest, bedtime is still an issue at 11. He doesn’t like to be upstairs going to sleep if we’re still downstairs (although he’s happy to spend the evening up there by himself when it’s not bedtime???). He likes me to tuck him in, to give him a hug and then put his background noise on – and as he’s my youngest, I admit that I like that too.  The time will come all to soon when I am not needed at bedtime. Does that mean that I am part of the problem too?

Timid to Tiger suggested a stairway to bravery, and that when we had a calm, bed time with minimal parent input he would be happier at sleepovers. We planned, we chose the stairs to better bedtimes together, we agreed on rewards for reaching each step.  We even made reward cards and bought stickers. It was so exciting, I thought we were going to crack this one.

No, 6 months after the programme finished, I am still spending more nights than not putting the world to rights, sorting out school problems or talking him out of a meltdown. We have just had the half term from hell with the new SATs tests.  No pressure from us, school gave all the support they could, but 4 days of sitting still in tests is hard for any Y6 student, and for a skware peg it was just hell. The week after the school had their normal assessments, and then there was a week of results before half term (Yay!!!!).

We now have a week off, and worries about the final half term at primary school have started, after 9.30 pm, of course, and I am sure they will continue until July. I can’t ignore it, as some may suggest, as he is close to meltdowns most evenings. I can’t stop the change from happening, as that is beyond my power, and he’s ready to move on. Instead, I will do my best as an SEN mum, and do whatever it takes to get him as calmly and happily through the next few weeks.

Another blog with my opinions on SATs, testing and Skware Pegs to follow very soon…….